I started 2022 with three children and one grandchild and along the way I collected two more children and one more grandchild, I knew they were mine and I have loved them for a long time but when their remaining parent died in August we knew they should be ours. I have an extra daughter, an extra son and am Yiayia to a gorgeous little girl . The beautiful V is living with me and she’s wonderful, Child One always wanted a sister and now she has two. I am so often moved by the kindness and compassion of my children and their partners and by how easy it is to grow love.
We had a fabulous Christmas in the Alps which was, for me anyway, an easing of sadness and a discovery of a new happiness.
I am still struggling to find the pieces of me that I didn’t realise were missing until I was on my own, I want to be an honest and complete representation of who I should be or should have been. Marriage and children create a particular path for one to follow which leaves certain aspects of ones development unmonitored. There are tools you need when you are no longer part of a team, parts of you that have been totally neglected. I am lucky, I have friends who are holding my hands and helping me to stand alone, reminding me of who I was before and showing me who I can be now.
I was asked what were my plans for the future, I walked a long way today and thought about that. I will be 58 next month, where do I want to go with my life now? I had planned to decide in July but why not now, the first day of a new year?
I want to be free to develop myself without compromise, a big ask in this fettered world, but I need freedom from compromise, freedom from the binds of my life as it was, freedom to be entire and complete, body, mind and spirit.
I will commence two projects simultaneously, (while looking after grandchildren) and in July when my deadline arrives I should have decided which path to follow, only time will tell whether I have chosen well.
Here’s to a totally new year.